Quietly thinking

The 12th of April

2008-04-17T12:00:00.004-04:00

My world came crashing down on this day..all my hopes and my dreams. When I got the news while sitting in the chair at the beauty shop, I felt like I was floating above everyone else looking down on some horrible nightmare taking place. I could not speak, I could barely breathe. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest. This is the day that I found out that my husband of 14 years had cheated on me. Words can not express the hurt and the pain that I felt and that I am still feeling. I have cried, yelled, hit, cursed..you name it..I have had every emotion possible. I pray that NO ONE will ever have to experience this pain. I am praying for healing, restoration, and forgiveness. God forgives us all the time when we sin him so I need to be able to do the same. I pray for my husband..the turmoil that must be in his heart right now, I can't even imagine. I would just ask you all to please keep my whole family in your prayers. It is going to be a long road to recovery but I am willing to start the process.

Change

2008-03-31T13:07:00.005-04:00

change can happen when you get the chance, change can happen without a passing glance, change can change everything in your path, change is the resistance to the things in the past, change is what people have to do to make their lives good. Happy Monday to you all!!!!

Anxiety and change

2008-03-08T17:48:00.003-05:00

For some, change is so unsettling and can be quite traumatic. For me…well...I should be used to it. I went to a different school every year of high school and in my senior year I went to three...yes, you read correctly…three different schools. I grew up saying "I will never marry someone in the ministry." HA!! Does God have a sense of humor or what? When I married my hubby, he was a soldier, still a very unsettling career choice, especially due to the type of soldier he was. Then the Lord said…"Never say never my dear.". Here we are in the ministry for over almost 13 years now. My husband is on the pastoral team of a wonderful church with wonderful team members and we have been at this place for four years now. About two months ago I was approached by my former manager where I temped for almost three months. She wanted me to consider coming back to work as a permanent employee. At this time our two year A.R.M. turned into an adjustable rate mortgage because we could not sell or refinance due to the housing slump. I tried for a long time to get the job where I was currently, and to think about making another job change...all I have to say is it caused a lot of sleepless nights. I just wanted someone to make the decision for me, but I knew that was not going to happen. My husband said that he would support whatever decision I made. So here I am, three weeks into my decision and I have to say, I really feel confident that I made the right choice for my family. I feel like God gave this job to me at the right time. As unsettling as it was for me to make that decision and to think that people might look at me like I was crazy for changing jobs again, I know that it was the right thing for my family.

The Flu that hit home

2008-02-06T20:39:00.000-05:00

So My daughter comes home from school with a bad headache and acting extremely tired, I just contributed it to being tired and told her to take a bath and she might feel better. While she is taking her bath I am watching the news with my hubby and they were talking about how bad the influenza is right now in VA and I said wow I am so glad our girls have not caught this nasty virus (those who know my girls know the battle we have had with my oldest being sick a lot) Savannah comes down the stairs and she looks HORRIBLE! I checked her temp and it was 102.5...in an hour time it spiked to that. Her temp has been staying around 103-104. The ironic thing is I have been reading a book about the Influenza pandemic of 1918. Pretty scary stuff...I hope and pray that you all stay healthy!!

Hmmm let's see

2008-02-01T19:27:00.000-05:00

Here is a quick run down of some of my thoughts lately and some other happenings.... -I had a big decision to make this past week I prayed and prayed for over 2 weeks..FINALLY made a decision!! -Why do I so despise opinionated people when I can be so opinionated myself. -Why does it drive me raging mad when others complain about how busy they are??? Don't they know that we are ALL busy in some way or another...Come on it is Northern VA, we all have jobs and other extra things that we do.... I just don't feel the need to bitch about it. -My kids fighting...AHHHHH just shoot me!! -LOST! What is up with it?? What are your thoughts on this? I keep telling myself I will quit watching but I just can't! I am currently seeking help :) -I just can't seem to get my house organized! too much stuff and not enough room. -Adjustable rate mortgage...Just shoot me again!! -Now to a positive....friendships! God has given me some really great friends....muuuuaaahhhhh to you all!!! Ok..that's all for now :)

The sound of steam and 2008

2008-01-06T16:46:00.000-05:00

Awww the sound of steam coming out of our new cappuccino maker....mmmm..I have developed a new weakness (thanks Doeblers) :) I've been having fun playing around with this cool little gadjet, trying to make the perfect cappuccino, I think I finally mastered it. May sound a little crazy that I can get so thrilled over the littlest thing, but it's so much fun!!! so if you all see me zipping around like a wild women you will know that I have had too many. We had a great time visiting family and friends in Georgia and Florida. We went back and forth a lot but it was worth it. I got a chance to see my oldest sister who I have seen one other time in like 6 or 7 years. I realized while I was there how much I really miss my sisters. We have had our share of ups and downs but NOTHING beats that close bond you get with sisters. So if you are reading this Donna and Kellie...I love you and miss you all already. I have so much that I want to accomplish in 2008.... -I want to be more organized..you organized people out there..HELP! how do you do it?? -to be a better mom..girls already think I'm great but I know I can improve so much more -to broaden my cooking abilities..I love to cook but get stuck with cooking the same ole same ole -to be a better friend....I want to reach out to new people to welcome them in and develop new relationships -to be more diligent in my bible reading and personal time with God. -to be a better blogger..ha..those who read my blogs probably already know I pretty much stink at blogging, not very creative I know! -Of course the old "I want to loose weight" seriously though...I want to concentrate on a healthy life style, exercising, healthy food choices and if loosing weight comes with it then WHOO HOO! There is so much more but I will not bore you with the rest. I look forward to seeing what 2008 brings.

"I'm Official"

2007-12-17T12:15:00.000-05:00

I am now offically in the Christmas Mood!! I know some get into as soon as Thanksgiving is over but not me...it has taken me a little longer. I always said that I would not let this crazy life style steal my joy (especially this time of year) and yet I have found myself very rushed and cranky. But now I am full of Christmas Joy! I still have a birthday party this weekend for my oldest and Christmas presents to wrap, but that is OK! I am so looking forward to Christmas morning to see my girlies faces when they come down the stairs to see the presents under the tree and to the smell of mama making orange cinnamon rolls. Also, their excitement to know that we will making a 9 1/2 hour trip to see Nana and PopPop(Hubby's parents) soon after. And most importantly.. I am looking forward to celebrating Christs birth with my family. I have no right to be cranky! :)

My Thankful list (Better late then never)

2007-11-25T16:07:00.000-05:00

Like many of you I have so many things to be thankful for. I will not bore you with all of them. -My husband who tolerates my pms -My family who I just spent a very crowded 3 days with (we all got along GREAT!!) -For the change of seasons...may sound weird but living in the south you have 1 season and it is Summer! ok, maybe 2, summer and spring. -Living in a city but able to drive just a short distance to be out of the city! -My friends who love me unconditionally -Old friends that I have recently reconnected with(Robyn...Love you girl, your the greatest) -My 2 girls who love their mommy so much even when I am not a very good mommy. -And of course God...I fail him so many times. I am so thankful that he never fails me!!

My Life Lately!

2007-11-15T19:18:00.000-05:00

I haven't had a whole lot going on lately, besides being extremely busy at work and... AND.... my hubby getting me Bon Jovi tickets for my birthday!! I have always LOVED him, even in the 80's, big hair and all. Another thing... I have my mom and dad, my sister and her family coming for Thanksgiving so I am sure after that I will have PLENTY more to write about.

Out of the mouth of babes

2007-11-01T21:28:00.000-04:00

We had a little issue with our oldest a little over a week ago....She was involved with a note that was being passed around between 3 others in her class. Needless to say the note was not nice. Caddy girl stuff (you all know what I am talking about because we all have done it) The teacher had mentioned it to me during our parent/teacher conference because she has a "No Tolerance" rule when it comes bullying. Anyway....I read the note and almost died when I read what the last student wrote. Thank God the teacher caught the note passing before it got back to S. We had a very long talk with her and explained the importance of this and how saying things or even writing notes about people can really hurt them. Today her teacher emailed me and said that she overheard another girl trying to get S involved in another caddy situation and she heard S say "No way...I am staying out of the Drama, I have no use for it and want to stay away from it". That really made me proud!! Sometimes I think that all my parenting is not even being noticed. Today proved me wrong. I pray she can continue to be as strong as she was today.

From a dear friend

2007-10-27T10:10:00.001-04:00

This is a post that one of my dear friends wrote a year after her husband passed away from a severe heart attack, he was 35.

Well, it has been 1 yr. since my babe has gone home to be with Jesus. I have to say that it went a lot quicker than I thought. So many things have happened. Many changes in my life. I often look at my kids and think what would Brian tell them. I wish I had his input on things.

To all of my wonderful God given friends, I want to say THANK YOU!! Your friendship means the world to me! Your constant prayers and encouragement have helped in more ways than you know. So many days I would be feeling down and then one of you would send me a message of encouragement or make me laugh. And to me that is priceless.

And to my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, I give Him all the honor and praise for everything that He has given to and done for me. I am so unworthy and yet He loves me and cares for me no matter what my attitude or how many times I fail Him!

I love you all and thank God for you. I know that with every passing day, the grief gets a little easier to deal with. But, I can't wait until that day when Jesus comes and we will all be together again. I love ya babe!

Friends

2007-10-25T18:41:00.000-04:00

My husband has been wanting me to get a blog for awhile now, he said it would be good for expressing my thoughts and feelings (which is very hard for me).....This is my first blog entry so here goes.... First, thank you to those who have prayed or have sent a card to my hubby while he has been recovering from re-constructive knee surgery. It was VERY challenging the first week but we are seeing much improvement each day. These last couple of weeks I have reflected on a lot of things.....mainly on the few "true friends" that God has placed in our life. I agree with what Tracey said in one of her posts about being a pastor's wife and having "close" friends, it can be quite difficult at times. I have FINALLY come to the conclusion that not everyone is going to like you or want to be your best friend. But the unfortunate thing is.... some don't even give you a chance. It has made me stop and just say THANK YOU God for what friendships you have placed in my life. I am going to embrace those friends and cherish them. I pray continually that God will put new people in my path.